Life After Marriage

One day I was drawn to the foggy window which induced a stroll in the open terrace. How I long for a cloudy day, the comfort of rain, the solitude of a walk without the long grey ghost trailing behind me. Suddenly my friend questioned me with uncertainty “Are you in bad mood? Any problem at home?” But this was not the question just before marriage. My silence was usually presumed as thoughts about my guy. I could not make out why she implied my silence otherwise?

Will marriage change life? Did my life change after marriage?

I still remember the day when my mother convinced me for marriage, after a long argument about my professional qualification, career, maturity, responsibilities, duties………..etc. I had very few expectations and reservations about marriage and my mom already knew it. It took hardly a month for my mom to find the right guy. From then on, “yes”, I do find a difference but I do not know whether it could be qualified as a change.

There was a hot discussion that day about the new ring that my friend’s father bought her. My heart stopped for a moment when I suddenly remembered the ring my husband left on the table. I relaxed after bothering him over phone that it was safe in his hands.
Was I so much heedful before?
No, never had I. I still remember how I was reluctant when my mom misplaced her ear ring and was pleading me to search for it.

With usual appetite and unusual expectations I opened my lunch box to relish the self prepared “Rasam”. It tasted salty, bitter and sour, but for it was good. The first gulp I remembered my husband taking lunch, the second gulp I remembered how he is irritated about the bad taste and at the third gulp I closed my lunch box and enquired in the soothing voice about lunch over phone. “mmm….. O.K.”, meant “bad taste but I could bear it, just because the truth may hurt you.” But that hurts me more. For the first time I felt guilty about my dire cooking skills. I never bothered to enter kitchen before. I always felt cooking is boredom and tedious while kitchen is hot and odd.

Arguments are always an essential infrastructure in the office. Never could I agree with others on various issues. Each of us differ in our judgments and outlooks. I always peep in to the common issues to express my ideas and opinions and disagree with my peers to prove that they are wrong. But did I do that at home? My head often nods “yes” to the demands at home. I do not want to, rather need to prove my smartness at home. My sister in law always complains that I always flatter and comply with my mother in law. But did I do that for the sake of earning good name? No. Harsh disagreements always leave strong ravages in mind, especially with sensitive humans. Harmony of opinion is just an expression of brand loyalty, the product being my husband.

I have many instances to quote the “difference” in myself, from yearning for a call to organized room. I know my priorities, life style, preferences, likes, dislikes, longings, “food habits”…….etc have undergone a major shift for the sake of marriage. I doubt whether I lost my originality after marriage. I am trying to convince myself that this is a “normal change”.

I understand that marriage not only brings together just two individuals of different opinions and attitudes, but two lives and choices which are unique and complex, but such mergers and amalgamations have more impact on women than on men. Women find an internal and organizational takeover while men find external and financial takeover. Consequently, change is inevitable, but it is strongly influenced by beliefs, values and priorities.

May be irresponsibility at mom’s home can be excused as a privilege, but after marriage every women requires emotional and physical investment to identify and accept the “major transition” in her life. The Women after marriage does multi tasking. It could be finely defined as “Multi Personality in (Dis)order” as portrayed in “Anniyan”. She must be intimate and personal to conquer her husband’s love but at the same time she should not exile him from his nears and dears. She must be responsible and caring like a naturalized person with her in-laws at the same time she should not cross her frontiers like a regimented alien. She is the supreme deity who gives birth and nurtures the child at the same time she should not be a fiend to force her unfulfilled dreams on her children. In short she levers two sided swords each day in unusual battlefield with unlimited determination.

But why should and what for she battles in the changing battlefield with unchanged willpower?

Is it to gain money or material?

Is it for pride or fame?

No, It is the “Unconditional Love” for her husband and children. Her Family is the battle ground and she is the prominent brave warrior who hurts herself in the course of war to protect her loved ones. That’s why each of us respect her death than any one else!